Recent life

Well, life is really hard to describe lately. My mind is not on study for sure, which makes panicking, whenever I heard the word 'thesis', I just wanna kill myself cuz I havent done anything for it and I suppose to be halfway through on my literature review. I can't blame on Rod, I know I haven't done enough for it. Well, life is going up and down a lot lately, I was all happy then things depress the shit of me happens.

Start with happy things. One of the thing that really makes me feel happy from inside is that I finally managed to moved on from my last relationship. The break up was in August, it was not bad but after all these year, there was really nothing much left but the desire of freedom, for both of us. I cant really say the reasons that make us break up because I forgot, but I knew both of us, or just me, felt very tiring. Endless compromising and guess what is on his mind made me feel depress every single day. I became jealous easily, had no security, little things like talking to another girl could pisses me off. I felt lonely when I am in a relationship, and then I told myself this is it. I still thanks to the fun he brought to me when we were together, but I know by now that we are not the same type of person any more. And I know I won't look back, so good job lisa!

That is probably the only happy thing lately, or I just cant think of any because I am tired from working on Mech Design assignment. It really gives me back sore.

Bad things start with I injured myself with a big stupid door, it ripped off my entire big toe nail for right foot. Thanks to Eugene, he really helped me, or at lease tried to. I hurts like hell and its gonna take a long time for it to full recover.

Another bad thing is, bad things happened on my friends surrounding me. I felt sad because they do. And I tried my best to impress them.

ohhh I am so sleepy, Life sucks there for shud go to bed now.

good night!!

Sanctuary

Where is your sanctuary?
Mine is definitely my home.
Feel so peace and safe,
I could just stay home for days without going out,
because it is my sanctuary.

Today, I feel a little bit lonely.
This might be the first time after I broke up that I wanted to be in love again.
For real,
And without a different person.

I miss the feeling when someone was hugging me,
Call me babe in his phone,
Listen to my complains,
cuddle me,
hold hand with me,
and kiss me.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved.

Drunkkk

I wanna get drunk when I wake up,
I love ed SheeranXD
tonight was crazy,
having six shots while you having a cold,
that was challenging - -
or maybe 5?
Can recall anything because I past out
hahahahahah
thanks to chris~
although I dont really know what did you do~

It is good to get drunk sometime like this
well I still consider this a way to escape from the real world tho
It is good to just take a break
because life is tough

I just wanna know you better now know you better now,
but you turned into someone else and I cant recognise you anymore
 was I deserve it?
I dont know.
It was a shame.

todays mood: drunk by ed sheeran

Changes

Changes can be good or bad,
no one knows what is behind them.
Might be a lot of effort,
Might be a lot of pain.
some turns out better
some turns out worse

What hurts the most,
 is the one you loved just changed without give you any warning
not a single notification
Things we used to do
persons we used to be
places we used to go
He forgets

The chubby boy
who used to say I love you I wanna be with you together forever to me
who used to hung me when I need him
who used to joke around with me all the time
who used to fight with me a lot

Were gone forever.
As the chubby body gets slimmer
your chubby heart and mind gets slimmer as well
and I dont really know you anymore.
This is it.
R.I.P
My love

Jar of hearts

Sorry. But this has to be a depress post.
There are always few days in a month when I become very emotional,
such as today
been crying for a while.

I dont really know why am I still feel this way about us.
Has been 8 months since we broke up,
I learned, I grew, I tried so many new things in the last 8 months
but I still think about you a lot.
I am still wondering about you a lot.
Maybe that is because you never told me how you feel before.

When she came and ask me to  give you a surprise
When she post in the group to make you a surprise
When you post on the photos

I cried.
I used to be the one to organise you surprise
I used to be the one who spend all my mind on finding you a perfect present
I used to be the one who is always beside you.

I let you go but you never came back.
You teared my love apart
and I know there is no way back

Happy birthday to you,
I truly hope you can get everything you want.
Maybe I never understand love before
but now I just wish you to be happy
no matter with or without me

You have the rights to be depress

In every one else's eyes I think I am a happy person,
which I really am.
Most of time I try to think positive,
try to keep the smile on my face,
there are hundred and thousand way to live a life,
so, why choose the depress way?

However, I have to admit that I found out depress is not a way to live our life,
it is a part of live.
Human are born with emotions,
We smile when we are happy and cry when we are sad
This is just natural.

So when we feel sad
why don't we face our true feelings
give us a break from being strong and tough
Have a drink
Maybe cry out loud.
Let the feelings penetrate you thorough,
do it to the extreme
then you will be able to walk away from the native feeling
you will learn how to detach it. 

Today is easter sunday,
a day when Jesus risen from the tomb
washed away our sins,
so we all got saved
but today I found it is very hard to forgive.

You have no idea how many times I have thought of these in last 8 months.
Where did things go wrong...
How...
Why....
If I can I really want to stay away from you,
because I know I could not detach my feeling when you are around.
There is no way back I know,
and I am not stuck anymore,
but feelings can't lie.
Maybe I still love you..
I just need to admit that I still love you
then try to find way to deal with that.

No pain No gain......
Today's mood： Drunk by Ed sheeran

Today is a good day

30th of March
 middle of Easter long weekend
beautiful sunny weather
beautiful mood
Cause I am going home=D

 Come back home was a very sudden decision
No plans, no signs
One day last week I just suddenly felt tired
Tired from Uni
Tired from social
Tired from only sleep for three hours every single day
I wanna take a rest.
I wanna escape.
So I decided to go home.
This is where I could recharge myself,
Home sweet home.

 I don't think the me in last year would ever make the same decision
I was blind but now I see.
now I see who are the ones that will always put me first,
now I see who are the ones that will give me shelter when I get hurt,
now I see who are the ones that are the most important to me.
They are my families and I love them more than everything.

I used to think that we could become families,
but I was too naive and that journey was hundred times harder than I thought
We lost faith
We lost hope
 We lost each other in this big big world
I think I loved you, and I realise love is let you go and see if you come back
I know you won't and I doubt I will.

On the plane I watched a movie called The Silver Linings Playbook and I absolutely love it. When you trying to chase something that was gone forever,
please remember to look back
and you might found what you looking for has been here all the time.
 This is such a random post haha
But today is a good day
I love parallelism LOL